Ten Kilometers Is the Gateway Drug

[ricevermicelli]

The plastic surgeons are presently opposed to an entire category which they describe as "exercise", as though that's a helpful designation for someone with little kids in the house. Today, I made them give me a list of when I can do what. Additionally, I have forced them to concede that more or less recumbent stationary biking is "probably fine", i.e., it will not result in the expander under my pectoral muscle crumpling up under my armpit and making me look like I tried to stuff my bra with old pantyhose. Otherwise, the state of play is accurately summarized as "I can do nothing." Lifting? No more than ten pounds permitted. I can iron.

There's this scene - I think from Reservoir Dogs - where the undercover cop tells this long story about selling weed. I don't know what ten pounds feels like. I can't pick it up and go, "oh, that's ten pounds." Ten pounds doesn't even ping my radar on an ordinary day. My purse weighs more than that.

Maybe, they say, I could "lightly" use the machines in the gym in a few more weeks. They appear to mean I can give them side-eye from across the room. I can "continue a walking program" - is that anything like "commuting by T"? What if it would be faster to walk than to get on the train?

AND THEN. Jesus H. Christ, THEN, I ask them about running. They are very concerned. Maybe, in a few weeks, I can start verrrrry slowly. Like, maybe a mile. They don't want me to get out of breath.

I explained that I don't get out of breath running a mile, because that defeats the whole purpose - if you wear yourself out on the first effing mile, how do you expect to do five more of them? Or, let's say I'm having a good night, and the kids went to bed early, and I carbed up at dinner, how would I get through the next eight? Why would I be so STUPID as to kill myself in the first mile, when there's perfectly good lighted sidewalk that goes MUCH further?

I don't want to run to get out of breath, I want to run because a good run makes me feel like I have conquered space and time. I need to do that some. BECAUSE IF I CANNOT CONQUER SPACE AND TIME I WILL BE CRANKY.

Comments

[macthud]

Do these medicos know nothing?

DON'T MAKE MAMA CRANKY!

[naomikritzer]

It's funny, because doctors are constantly recommending that people exercise, and yet when someone DOES exercise on a regular basis, they fairly consistently fail to grasp that this might be an important thing to them and not something that they wish to casually shelve for months at a time. (My theory on this is that most doctors do not actually exercise themselves.)

[dmyersta.livejournal.com]

I agree with your theory.

[katkt.livejournal.com]

"I don't know what ten pounds feels like"

Like a gallon of milk.

Or, more accurately, like 1.16 gallons of milk, since a gallon is 8.6 pounds (ish), but that's the guideline I use.

I wish I could run in a conquer space and time way, but a couple miles is still an ordeal for me. How long do they estimate before you can actually go for a run again?

Also, unless I mis-remember, we had some agreements about stuff that was going to change when one of us had complete mastery over space and time. If you're conquering space and time regularly, you're not holding up your end of the bargain! :-P

[persis.livejournal.com]

ditto this ...

When I had hernia surgery, I could not do anything except lie on my back for the first week, and then was allowed to be up for short periods of time, then was allowed to work my carrying weight up by the pound...no grocery shopping for me for several months.

I too send wishes for running condition to come sooner than later. *gentle hug*

[mizarchivist]

At least recumbent biking is on the acceptable list?

Clearly these medical folk entirely don't get it.

[steuard.livejournal.com]

I hope you get back into running condition soon (and that your doctors more or less accept it when you do). It sounds like it's just a matter of time, fortunately, but that doesn't make the wait any more pleasant.

I never really ran in a way that felt like a conquest (of anything), but I absolutely loved the feel of running: it was a sort of meditation for me, a chance to immerse myself in the present moment. Less a conquest of space and time than a transcendence of them. I miss it.

[ericakeithley.livejournal.com]

You must be feeling better! Crankiness at not getting to do your stuff sounds to me like a good symptom. :)

[beth_leonard]

I just started, Zombies Run (Disclaimer, it's made by a friend of mine's company, but it's got 10K+ twitter followers, so it's not just me who likes it.). You can do it on the stationary bike. It makes staying in one place more fun as your imagination really takes over with the audio cues.

--Beth

[drwex]

Hunh. That is all sorts of suck. I wonder if they'd let you talk to a sports medicine doc who might have a more realistic picture of what a post-surgery athlete can and should do...

[damascene.livejournal.com]

Oh, girlfriend, I wish the doctors were just being paranoid overcautious, but they probably aren't. There's all kinds of healing still going on in and around the surgery site, which jostling it would Not Be Good For. (You already know that. I know you already know that.)

Will they let you walk stairs? It's not the same as running, but just going up and down, in the house, for 10 minutes at a time (as a start) may be a workout they'll let you do and your muscles will like it.