(no subject)

[ricevermicelli]

People keep telling me how impressive I am this week, how well I'm keeping it together and how I'm going to kick this disease and all the tretments for it. It's bullshit. Let me clear this up for all y'all: I'm faking it. I done compartmentalized my shit, and it turns out that as long as I don't go near doctors, I don't have to be a cancer patient. I'm not scheduled to back into doctor orbit until Friday really (although there's this thing on Thursday when they shoot me up with dye and don't even pretend it won't hurt), so I can pretty much not be a cancer patient until then.

In the meantime, I'm somebody's mom and somebody's assistant and somebody's wife. I'm the naggiest, most nervous mom ever right now, and undoubtedly no picnic as a wife, and last night my boss pulled an all-nighter, which was great because it gave me an excuse to be all mother hen at him. Sometimes I have to go into Hotspur's room and just breathe for a while because she still smells like a baby when she sleeps. (Danger Lad! grumbles when I pull this on him.)

I prefer to keep my crap in these compartments. I am really sick of hearing both sympathy and congratulations for keeping it together. I don't know what I want to hear instead.

Comments

[taura-g.livejournal.com]

I hear you. And I vividly remember getting similar comments when Aries was hospitalized once again (and again) and not knowing what the hell to do with them.

Shortly after he died my sister said to me, "Whatever you feel is what you feel and that is perfectly OK."

Intuitively, I already knew that, but at the time it was a great relief to hear it, so I pass it on to you.

Hon, whatever you feel is what you feel and that is perfectly OK.

Yep, I grok this

[sweetmmeblue.livejournal.com]

Hugs
When you figure out what it is let us know.

[nemene.livejournal.com]

So do you think the red socks will have a good season?

[ricevermicelli.livejournal.com]

Okay, first: Dude. Red Sox. Sox, with an x. This is not footwear, this is the ball club.

Second, everything I know about baseball comes out of Bull Durham. It's all about Susan Sontag, and astroturf, and not being interested in any woman who is interested in that boy. I swoon every time.

Third, it's the Sox. There's a certain kind of certain doom, which they've evaded a few times in the recent past, but I don't think they have the vibe for it this year. If this was such a certainty, Jordan's wouldn't be offering to give out free furniture.

[chalgaryn.livejournal.com]

And here I assumed he was just strangely inquiring about your latest knitting project < /sarcasm >

[nemene.livejournal.com]

I was not awake yet, sorry about the misspell.
I know only slightly more about baseball then you do :)
Sounds like the cubs :)

[robbbbbb.livejournal.com]

Most professional sports teams have a sense of certain doom about them. I'm a Mariners fan, and we have it.

There are thirty teams in the Majors. Only one of them wins the Series each year. Fatalism in sports is standard-issue.

[graceo.livejournal.com]

OK, seriously, how dare you? The Sox are special. Only when you love a team unconditionally, when you have loved them despite their not having won a world championship from 1918 - 2004, when you have loved them despite their bizarre and counter-productive insistence on NOT hiring the best players, only then can you understand what it is to be a true baseball fan. The Mariners weren't even invented until NINETEEN-SEVENTY-SEVEN. I spelled that out just so I could put it in all caps. When Jackie Robinson sent a pen to JFK to suggest that he get some work done on civil rights? The Mariners didn't even exist yet. By the time the Mariners got around to existing, Kennedy had been dead for 14 years. I respect Mariners fans for what they are. They are people who have not yet learned what it means to repeatedly snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. They are people who wish they knew the true love that comes from having a real baseball team. Given time, they may come to know what fatalism really is. By my count, they have about 50 more years to work on it.

[robbbbbb.livejournal.com]

Thpbpbpbpb.

I sat through one of the great seasons in baseball history. I had season tickets in 2001, when the M's won ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTEEN GAMES. (I spelled that out so I could put it in all caps.) I was in the ballpark the day the M's won #116, and it was glorious.

And then, on the cusp of one of the great triumphs of baseball history, we had it snatched from us by the Fucking Yankees. I hate the Fucking Yankees. I always have, but this was like a dagger to the soul. Fucking Yankees.

Can we at least agree to hate the Fucking Yankees?

[graceo.livejournal.com]

I hate the Fucking Yankees more than you, and with a greater weight of history behind me. But I will let you hate them too, because Red Sox fans are magnanimous. Except to the Fucking Yankees.

[robbbbbb.livejournal.com]

If you'd been around for a larger fraction of that history, I think I'd take your appeals to history more seriously. I've been a baseball fan my whole life. This ensures that I've been a fan longer than you (if only by a couple of years!)

The eighty-six year drought? You didn't live through it. And the Red Sox have at least had consistently good teams for the last thirty-five years. And two Series titles in the last ten. Us Mariners fans had the stretch between '95 and '02. And then we got Bill Bavasi.

But all thinking baseball fans should hate the Fucking Yankees. Fucking Yankees fans aren't baseball fans, they're Fucking Yankee fans. Fer crying out loud, they like Alex Rodriguez. WTF?

(At least the Mariners crowning moment of glory came at the Fucking Yankees' expense.)

[graceo.livejournal.com]

I totally understand that you want to feel good about being old. I mock it, but I understand it. I have the multi-generational fan experience, and you have a lifespan longer than your team's entire existence. I also have a lifetime longer than your team's existence, plus bonus family chats with a grandfather who saw the Sox win the World Series three times. I'll take mine.

[dreams-of-wings.livejournal.com]

it may amuse you to know that the collective insanity of the last few weeks means that I have retreated into reading Georgette Heyer novels. I blame you, while thoroughly enjoy all the swashing and the buckling.

Over here in this compartment

[mizarchivist]

You may appreciate this random piece of not-really news:
Our book group had a theme of little-r romance for the past 10 months and the final one was read a harlequin. asciikitty was kind enough to loan me a Cruise (Manhunting) some time ago. Dammit, but it was a fun read. I am contemplating reading another one if I can find another that's fun rather than infuriating. I'm remembering that you have a fondness for the occasional romance. Any recommendations?

[ricevermicelli.livejournal.com]

Agnes and the Hitman. Crusie and Meyer.

[graceo.livejournal.com]

Did you see this: http://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/blog/caption-that-cover-subdivision-edition-winners?

Please, please tell me your thoughts on the cover before you read the winners.

[robbbbbb.livejournal.com]

I'm faking it. I done compartmentalized my shit,

Which is how well-adjusted people deal with bad things. You have elected not to be a drama queen. Good.

[thenotoriousphd.livejournal.com]

Everyone handles these situations in their own way (says the psychologist). Compartmentalizing and knuckling down because you have to get shit done makes sense to me.

I've been shot up with dye several times recently and it didn't hurt apart from the IV stick; I'll keep my fingers crossed that you have a similarly painless experience.

[quueer.livejournal.com]

If I don't hear back about this freaking paper soon I'm going to start baking. Really, you should tell me what you want in the house when you get back. I have to write multiple papers on my aspirations for the REST OF MY LIFE and those are all really really scary.

Brownies? Garlic knots? Garlic pull-apart bread?

[quueer.livejournal.com]

I have this thing for garlic.

[ricevermicelli.livejournal.com]

Garlic knots please!

[quueer.livejournal.com]

Good, I already made the dough. It's slow rising in the fridge.

[valkyriefire.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure I'd have any words that would make this suck less. I assure you, I will help in whatever way you wish. I'm also wondering if there is anything - books, music, rare chocolates, Irish tea, movies, etc - that I can try to procure for you to help with being in the Not A Cancer Patient Place?