Going Begging

[ricevermicelli]

Item: One pair silver and (purple) crystal stud earrings, in the shapes of an egg and a sperm. Never worn.

They were a present - our housemate brought them back from Mexico. I cannot wear them (metal allergies). They are actually quite subtle. Like the Betan earring code for "Trying to Breed."

I'll get them to the first person who asks.

Comments

[macthud]

oh gosh.

if it weren't for the allergies part, they'd be perfect for my sister.

if you get no other offers (takers?), and I can connect with you before Saturday, I'd love to have them long enough to show her this weekend ... whether they come back to you for re-dispersal, or we then handle the same.

and thank you for the laugh. it was well and truly needed.

[queen-of-wands.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure if I want them. Can you post a photo?

[buxom-bey.livejournal.com]

I don't need a photo, I'd totally take those!

[ricevermicelli.livejournal.com]

They're yours. We'll figure out how to get them to you.

[steuard.livejournal.com]

I've always been torn about the Betan earring code. The benefits are obvious: many of my dating worries over the years boiled down to variants on "Is she available?" (Fear of rejection always seemed to take a back seat to fear of somehow giving offense simply by asking.) But the idea always leaves me uncomfortable due to privacy concerns that I'm not entirely certain are rational. It would probably bother me less if our society didn't feign horror at the thought of premarital sex (or a host of other common but unpopular behaviors).

I've wondered at times if some sort of wireless technology might eventually provide the benefits of the Betan system without sacrificing privacy, but in the end any system that can give the necessary information to a stranger who's interested in you is by definition making that information public. Maybe tie it in to social networking somehow, to put at least some limits on who'd have access? Or perhaps privacy is hopeless in this day and age; maybe a Betan level of honesty and openness will be good for us.

[No, I'm not sure what inspired all that... it's probably that I'm rereading A Civil Campaign at this very moment.]

[kuddliphish.livejournal.com]

I never liked the betan code because it seemed horribly passive aggressive and likely to be fraught with misunderstandings especially in a place with a healthy tourist trade.

[steuard.livejournal.com]

I'm not seeing the passive aggressive angle, but I'm sure there's a lot about how such a system would play out that I haven't thought of. Setting tourists aside for the moment, what sort of misunderstandings are you thinking of? (I figure everyone would just expect that tourists wouldn't know the system and react accordingly.)

Mind you, I'm quite open to the idea that communication goes more smoothly if some information exchange happens on an unspoken level rather than being stated flat out. It's just finding the right balance between clarity and discretion that's tricky.

[kuddliphish.livejournal.com]

If I remember correctly (and it's been an age since I read the books) the earrings have a lot of variation that I could see being misused. The most obvious passive aggressive thing is breaking up with your SO by switching your earrings from "attached" to "searching." And things like responding to a fight by changing your earrings from "attached" to "attached but looking for a fling" seem fraught with trouble (no more so than actually *looking* for a fling after a fight, I guess, but at least if you go bar hopping with that in mind in our world you can change your mind with no one being the wiser.)

And I guess part of the trouble I see is that the earrings bring unspoken things up to a spoken level of nuance, but have it based on *observation* rather than actual speech. So she thinks she's telling him this really detailed message about what she's looking for, but he sees them wrong because the lighting is bad, and so doesn't get the message, but she doesn't know that, and is offended or whatever but he has no idea why...it just seems like a recipe for trouble.

[ricevermicelli.livejournal.com]

Honestly, Betan earring code strikes me as the invention of a person who was madly uncomfortable asking just those questions. As a practical solution to the problem of figuring out who is and is not available for the things you want, I suspect it is no better than the systems we have now: individuals will willfully or unintentionally misrepresent themselves, face pressure to conform to the desires of the partners they have (or want to have), personal preferences and needs will affect conformity, and definitional differences ("I thought you were kinky!" "I'm not *that* kinky!" "This *isn't* that kinky!") and regional variations will creep in, and I can't but imagine that Betans, if they existed, would do the same dances that we do. They seem to have a larger set of socially acceptable results, but that is their only advantage.

[steuard.livejournal.com]

So what you're saying is that maybe it would be more effective for us socially paranoid types to get over ourselves and actually talk to people rather than forcing our entire society to adopt some complicated code system that wouldn't actually make things easier in the end? I dunno... I'll have to think about that. :)

[woodwardiocom.livejournal.com]

Betan earring code

. . . From the novelization of Star Trek I?

[coraline]

from lois mcmaster bujold's vorkosigan books.
(in case that was a serious question?)

[woodwardiocom.livejournal.com]

It was a serious question. I was thinking of the Deltans from Star Trek: The Motion Picture. In the novelization, Roddenberry goes on at length about their sexuality. On reflection, I don't think there was actually anything about earrings in there, though.

[ricevermicelli.livejournal.com]

In fact, my second such reference of the night.