Rambly CPA Prep Geeking

[ricevermicelli]

Last night, on a whim, I googled someone I dated once upon a time. I found him in a video I can't link you people to because YouTube is verboten at the office.

He was doing quite the competitive act with fire spinning (staffs, poi, teeterboards). I watched for a little while. He wasn't half bad, but he was working indoors, which does tend to make things a little dull. And then Danger Lad! decided that he could not countenance that much playing with the computer, not even if it meant he got to watch folks juggle fire, and led me off on the standard evening round of water to drink, water to splash, a tour of every bear in the house, and demands for bananas.

I'm going to talk about studying for the CPA exam here. If that bores you, too bad. What, are you strapped to your chair, with your eyelids taped open? Is the scroll bar busted? There's nothing else you could be doing? No small people who need bananas?

I was preparing for the Regulation section, and I was doing okay at that, actually. Decently prepared. Should do some last minute review, but it'll be fine, so I started in on the Audit and Attestation prep, and that's a train wreck. I started giggling as I hit the wrong answers on the multiple choice homework. The exam prep people recommend that I memorize the standard three paragraph audit report, and I can see how that would help, but so far I have been unable to do anything but stare at it. Blankly. It is not going into my brain.

My brain has all kinds of junk in it. Big hunks of Kipling and Houseman. Large sections of King Lear. Mr. Brown Can Moo. I can memorize text, I tell you! But it helps if there's some meter to tow me along. Perhaps if the standard auditor's report was recast in iambic pentameter, or set up in four-beat lines divided by cesurea, I would be more able to tackle it. Maybe if it rhymed. I've memorized plenty of prose in my time - but the standard auditor's report doesn't sing. It utterly lacks any kind of useful mnemonic structure. Even the available alliterations are too abbreviated to be assistive.

At this juncture, a really energetic and dedicated person would do the damn thing as a sonnet. Or a villanelle. I am not that person. But if you are, I could send you cookies.

Comments

[robbbbbb.livejournal.com]

There once was a depreciation schedule from Nantucket...

[ukelele.livejournal.com]

I dunno, I'm good at sonnets. But I don't know anything about CPA stuff.

Really, you *should* be that person ;). You know it'd help you study, and you're an English major, yeah?

[nemene.livejournal.com]

You make my head hurt suggesting merging accounting and poetry... That's like vinger and baking soda, like, like, like, math and WORDS! Next you will be talking about impressionist renditions of actuarial tables...

[jon-leonard.livejournal.com]

One of my classmates (Joel) had a nightmare towards the end of his senior year, where his FORTRAN was not compiling, because it wasn't in iambic pentameter. The extra complication was that he wasn't sure if the line number counted for the meter or not.

For bonus points, guess his double major.

But yeah, there's something about accounting that tends to make for dry reading. (Not always, but often.)

[macthud]

I don't have the standard paragraphs handy ... and I'm not sure I'm up to either sonnet or villanelle production ... but I bet we could work out a peppy little puppy story with it!

[ukelele.livejournal.com]

This standard three-paragraph thing?

We've audited accompanying sheets
and statements of their income, earnings, flow.
It's not our fault if managers are cheats.
We audit only based on what we know.

That said, we follow well-established norms
and tried to get assurance docs were free
of lies. We spot-checked data on the forms,
the statement, and the firm's accountancy.

We're satisfied our audit lets us know
we did not pull opinions from our ass.
Their statements fairly represent their dough,
their operations, and accounting class.

All we need to end the fourteenth line
is date below, and over that we sign.

[ricevermicelli.livejournal.com]

Oh my yes, *that* three paragraph thing. Did you do that yourself? What kind of cookies would you like?

[ukelele.livejournal.com]

"Did I do that myself." Hmph, of course :). You're the baking genius -- any specialties I should be aware of?

[ricevermicelli.livejournal.com]

Assuming you don't have allergies that require a change, Breakfast Bars are the poison of choice from my kitchen. But if you do have allergies (nuts, oats, wheat, dairy), you'd probably prefer something else.

[ukelele.livejournal.com]

No allergies here. I put myself happily at your mercy.

[zathrus.livejournal.com]

Oooh, you're going to get Breakfast Bars. Lucky you. I think I'm going to have to bake some myself sometime soon.

Your sonnet is, indeed, impressive, as is your knowledge of the standard three-paragraph thing.

Newt

[ukelele.livejournal.com]

Oh, the 3-paragraph thing's all Google :). But I'll take some credit (and apparently treats!) for the sonnet. Thanks.

[beth_leonard]

Is that these breakfast bars? Yuuuum. Thanks again for sharing that recipe.

--Beth

[drwex]

That ROCKED!

[ukelele.livejournal.com]

*g* Thanks!

[jon-leonard.livejournal.com]

That's very cool. It probably needs to be in an accounting book somewhere, if someone could be convinced to publish it.

[ukelele.livejournal.com]

I'd probably have to alter the "ass" rhyme for that ;). But thanks!

[herooftheage.livejournal.com]

I probably don't qualify as a small person, even though I'm only about 3/5 the size I used to be. I suspect I could use a banana, but won't have one yet, as this is one of my fasting days.

I don't know whether to be pleased or dismayed at the possibility that the longest term effect I've had on you is likely to be that you know huge tracts of King Lear.

[ricevermicelli.livejournal.com]

Don't let that possibility keep you up nights. You had greater and longer-term affects on me than that one. To my immense joy, I can no longer remember all of the Audobon Society of Greater Britain speech. It would not please me so to forget you.