Forget torture. It produces unreliable information, which is worse than no information at all. There is a better way. There are some difficulties, but with the cooperation of patriotic Americans, they can be overcome.
Unfortunately, we do have to muck with the Constitution a bit. We'll have to make some sacrifices. There are rights we have long enjoyed and taken for granted which we must learn to do without. We must repeal the 21st Amendment.
Once 21 is repealed, we let American ingenuity and the traditions of organized crime do their work. Soon, there will be speakeasies on every street corner. Once we have speakeasies, we have the ultimate interrogation technique: to get anyone to admit the truth about anything, sit them down in a speakeasy with Nick and Nora Charles.
You may question whether the speakeasy is really necessary. You may note that confessions were made to Nick Charles at a variety of social events and in a wide array of hotel rooms. This is true, but I submit that the fundamental illegality of booze played a key role. Breaking a law with someone is an act of trust which encourages confidences.
There is a problem here, and the sharp-eyed among you will have spotted it already: Nick and Nora are fictional, and given the current date, they are either dead or really old. But what has modern corporate culture taught us if not that people are expendable? So, Nick is probably mouldering, and Nora, at 99 years old, if not also deceased, is unlikely to retain her keener observational faculties. We can train new investigators to take on these roles. We, as a society, must encourage young men to become PIs and marry beautiful young heiresses, and we must insist that beautiful young heiresses learn to hold their liquor.
Imagine what Paris Hilton could do for national security, if only she was a better drinker.
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