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Stalker Thoughts
Aug. 15th, 2006 10:35 amSomeone on the blogosphere (who I'm not naming because I figure she has enough troubles today) recently posted a complaint about stalkers who've been sending her email. As a demonstration of what a pain in the ass they are, she posted a complete conversation she has had with one particular stalker.
There are a couple of notable things about the conversation, but the one that jumped out at me was that the blogger in question responded to *every* *single* *thing* her stalker sent her. Unsurprisingly, this jumped out at some other people too, and they recommended that the blogger cease corresponding with stalkers. I mean, why bother to talk to people you don't want to talk to? Why put in the time and energy, when the delete key is right there? Why make the whole game fun for the stalker by providing feedback? This is widely-accepted advice, echoed by every one I have ever heard talk about personal safety and security.
Funnily enough, however, the people who gave this advice (female) are now being accused of sexist victim-blaming by other readers (male).
It's not about blaming the freaking victim. It's that reality is such that it is extremely unwise for the average person to believe that s/he can do whatever s/he wants without concern for possible consequences. Is it your fault if you get stalked? No, but it is nonetheless your problem, and you could take some practical steps to cut down on it. If you take the opposite of those steps, is it then your fault that your stalker doesn't dry up and blow away? Not entirely, but why, precisely, are you not doing that practical stuff? And if you bait your stalker by making threats which you then don't carry out, you should not be surprised when your stalker decides that you're a patsy and that s/he can safely ignore the possibility of consequences.
There are a couple of notable things about the conversation, but the one that jumped out at me was that the blogger in question responded to *every* *single* *thing* her stalker sent her. Unsurprisingly, this jumped out at some other people too, and they recommended that the blogger cease corresponding with stalkers. I mean, why bother to talk to people you don't want to talk to? Why put in the time and energy, when the delete key is right there? Why make the whole game fun for the stalker by providing feedback? This is widely-accepted advice, echoed by every one I have ever heard talk about personal safety and security.
Funnily enough, however, the people who gave this advice (female) are now being accused of sexist victim-blaming by other readers (male).
It's not about blaming the freaking victim. It's that reality is such that it is extremely unwise for the average person to believe that s/he can do whatever s/he wants without concern for possible consequences. Is it your fault if you get stalked? No, but it is nonetheless your problem, and you could take some practical steps to cut down on it. If you take the opposite of those steps, is it then your fault that your stalker doesn't dry up and blow away? Not entirely, but why, precisely, are you not doing that practical stuff? And if you bait your stalker by making threats which you then don't carry out, you should not be surprised when your stalker decides that you're a patsy and that s/he can safely ignore the possibility of consequences.
