ricevermicelli: (Default)
[personal profile] ricevermicelli
Over the past few months I have read and listened as my friends discussed their three year-olds, and felt strangely exempt from the struggles they reported. Their kids were entering into a phase of defiant separation, while Danger Lad! was contented with me. At about the stage when other people's children were embarking on the first rumblings of mutiny, my baby was too busy freaking the hell out to consider it. I thought we had escaped. It was the one sunny side of the whole high-risk pregnancy crap (besides Hotspur), but now it is over.

I still get hugs and kisses. I am still clearly the preferred parent (this is less of a delight than it sounds - that much love does not come cheap). But five times a day, he tells me I am no longer his friend. I am rude (any sentence with the word "no" in it impolite), I interrupt (especially when repeating ignored instructions), there are a dozen new rituals that I flub every day, I have left his friend the invisible kangaroo shut up in the pantry, or in one of the kitchen cupboards. I have allowed his sister to breathe in his direction, one of the cats is on his chair, and that is the wrong pair of underpants. I explain, continually, that I am his mother not his friend, and that invisible kangaroos are a clever bunch who can get themselves out of the cabinets.

At not quite four, my child (I know you're all shocked) is becoming sarcastic. I, in return, grow more extreme in my sarcasm, providing him with an example that will, in time, make his backtalk maximally enraging. This is probably how I got to be so damn socially awkward myself.

DL! would like me to believe that I can return to the complete enjoyment of his affections at any time - I just need to pony up some Batman-themed fruit snacks and put Robin Hood on infinite replay. This is patently ridiculous to me, but he appears to believe it.
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ricevermicelli

May 2011

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